Posted By: Curtiss  on Wednesday, March 12, 2008

I assume those women cited are standing by their man of their own accord and not forced to be there as hinted at by Ms. Saunders. Why does she assume they are being made to stand there. She seems to have a low opinion of these women. That is uncalled for.

Posted By: Glennis  on Wednesday, March 12, 2008

Watching the news the other night while Spitzer was making his little speech, I thought the sidelong glances Ms Spitzer turned on her husband said it all.  If looks could kill.....

Posted By: Judy Gosnell  on Wednesday, March 12, 2008

Yes, if looks could kill, a million (or a billion?)men would be dead. I think the poor woman was just in shock, so everyone should quit judging her. HE, not she, is the culprit. Yes, I do wish she would throw out all his clothes and socks on the lawn, but only after she has secured all the money and property. She should get a good attorney. A female attorney.

Posted By: Tommy  on Wednesday, March 12, 2008

Ms. Saunders, Would you want to amplify on that last sentence.

"Look at today's political marriages among this first wave of widespread American feminism, and you see that in some marriages women are equal to men, but their men will always be dogs" Getting a little arrogant there, aren't we?

Posted By: fencerider rob  on Wednesday, March 12, 2008

Unfortunately the best ones are males, attorneys that is.

Posted By: Anne Elliott  on Wednesday, March 12, 2008

I too think that equating a wife's decision to stand by her errant husband with a failure of her self-respect or with a failure of feminism is making an awful lot of leaps of logic with very few facts.



Couples who genuinely love one another (which means -- as is) don't run at the first sign of trouble -- even when it involves sexual infidelity.  The reasons that Spitzer did what he did (at tremendous personal risk) are likely far more complicated than anyone EXCEPT Spitzer can imagine.



I personally would find it refreshing if media pundits would stop trying to leap to easily digested conclusions, and rather, have the patience, the empathy, and the humanity to recognize the personal and political tragedy that this is, the waste of a talented leader, and hold off with the snap judgments.



Believe me, if the Bush Administration, whose sins weren't sexual, but far worse, and claimed thousandfolds more victims, were held to the same standards Spitzer is now being held to, there wouldn't BE a Bush Admimistration.  What is wrong with us, anyway?

Posted By: Nancy Fenn  on Wednesday, March 12, 2008

thank you for saying what intelligent women have been thinking since billy boy and hillary - i am waiting for the day women really grow up amd one of these stepford queens grows  a spine!

Posted By: Kathy F  on Wednesday, March 12, 2008

I do wish that everyone would leave Mrs. Spitzer alone.   She did not have a whole lot of time to think about what she should do.  She was, obviously in great shock.    For better or for worse is what would immediately come to mind after 20 years of marriage....you stand by him when he is in trouble.       After a cooling-off period, she can make an intelligent decision that will best work for her and her girls.



None of us who haven't had this type of personal tragedy befall us can honestly say how we would react, so let's stop second-guessing the poor woman.    She will, in time, do what she must.    Who knows, maybe like another politician's wife who stayed, Mrs. S has visions of her own political future in mind?

Posted By: calvin gonterman  on Wednesday, March 12, 2008

Amen

Posted By: J. Miles  on Wednesday, March 12, 2008

'Patience,empathy and humanity' are certainly qualities that should be brought to bear on this dialogue.  As a society, we are fundamentally conflicted over matters involving sexual behavior, and quick to judge, usually hypocritically, another's sexual transgressions.  "Do as I say and not as I do," serves to recognize the humanity in us all, and in most cases would be a fair standard to apply in parsing the judgment of Spitzer the man from that of Spitzer the public figure.  But it seems that Spitzer himself so greatly lacked 'patience, empathy and humanity' in carrying out his duties as a prosecutor, that he has forefeited his right to such treatment in ways that some of those he is compared to have not.  Are we nevertheless to rise above and treat him with compassion?

Posted By: Debillo  on Wednesday, March 12, 2008

Mrs. Spitzer has a right to be shellshocked and should not be criticized at this point. I am sure that, with time, she will get her emotional and financial ducks in line to the point that she can make a rational, informed decision regarding the future of her marriage and the financial security of herself and her three daughters.



But I know what I would do, having had to do something similar myself many years ago. One episode with a hooker is one thing, but countless occasions and thousands of dollars spent in consort with these "lovely young ladies" is the worst betrayal. To accept it and live within the status quo of her marriage could only be done by an amnesiac. Further, she would be sending a VERY dangerous message to her daughters...that "boys will be boys" and women need to "put up and shut up" or get out. I got out. And I'm not sorry.

Posted By: Kevin C.  on Wednesday, March 12, 2008

Maybe she should leave him, maybe not, that is her decision and should not be second guessed by anyone not intimately familiar with her situation.  The news coverage of what Spitzer may have done doesn't qualify anyone.



As to the final conclusion of the article "...that in some marriages women are equal to men, but their men will always be dogs."  Not only is it facetious, but it makes the presumption that women don't cheat, and that is laughable.

Posted By: Charles  on Wednesday, March 12, 2008

Here is the thing and listen to it well. With all the secret terrorist programs and financial transaction tracking YOU TOO can end up in a situation where your every move and action now and throughout your past can be put under a microscope just like this man and for a lot less reason. And you may be subject to someone's personal opinions about you while they are at it. So don't be too fast the step on someone else.

And while we are at it, let's just consider how trivial this is in the eyes of the world compared to destroying an entire country and throwing it into chaos and anarchy through deliberate disinformation and brash dismissal of military experts giving truth to power which was in fact their sworn duty only to be pushed into retirement. Not to mention the Joe Wilson's attacked without mercy. Or for that matter the entire economic disaster wought by clever Wall Street mortgage fund managers. So this man's action are but a spec on the screen so why are you so busy worry about it when a Admiral has just quit over his unwillingness to support bombing Iran!

Posted By: Amy  on Wednesday, March 12, 2008

Politics may be complicated, but engaging a prostitute isn't.  There's no complicated reasons behind his doing so, repeatedly, apparently.  The real issue is probably that he was spending New York's taxpayers' dollars doing it.  Otherwise, I honestly don't care who Governor Spitzer was sleeping with, or when, how often, or even how many.



I don't really care that he was using New York taxpayers' money, either, I'm from another state.



All politicians are corrupt.  All politicians say one thing and do another.  That's part of the definition of politician.



Now, if I was his wife, I'd have already been on the phone to the best dirty dog of a divorce lawyer my soon-to-be-ex-husband's money could buy.

Posted By: Kathy  on Wednesday, March 12, 2008

Mrs. Spitzer certainly looked deflated at the announcement the former Governor made.  All I could think of was how deep the hurt ran and her life would never be the same.  Mr. Spitzer certainly knew what he was doing and whether there was risk involved, especially since he went after so many others while Attorney General.  I learned a long time ago, that I can't ask others to live up to a higher standard than I do.  Heal that he is, he is human and I doubt if the damage to his family can ever be truly repaired.

Posted By: Scott Erickson  on Wednesday, March 12, 2008

I think Deb's right on this. And I agree with Amy, too. I lost a bet that our dear purjuring ex-president was going to be an ex-husband, too. Too bad Hillary didn't have the guts to lead the parade.

Posted By: Sue  on Wednesday, March 12, 2008

If I were his wife, after making the break, I'd have myself tested for HPV.  His exploits, no doubt, have put her at tremendous risk.

Posted By: Jesus drawing on the sand  on Wednesday, March 12, 2008

Does it sound familiar the part where Jesus is drawing a line on the sand when people wanted to stone a prostitute for her "wrongdoings"?? This is an opportunity to look at our own marriages. I bet many of the readers here, male and female, share something in common with Mr. Spitzer. But we rather blame and judge others than look at ourselves... It is easier and safer that way, isn't it?

Posted By: Carol  on Wednesday, March 12, 2008

I wonder if the author has ever found herself in that position?...ever love someone who wronged you? Has she ever been in a marriage for 20 + years? You can't expect the Governor's wife to throw it all away in a second. I think it's wrong that feminists expect every woman to be the same as the next, to make the same decisions. These are personal matters and the feminist movement won't be there for her when she needs this person she's shared her life with for decades. Feminism shouldn't be about this.

Posted By: Sue  on Wednesday, March 12, 2008

hmmm, i haven't read an entry where anyone wanted to "stone the prostitute".  in fact, i'd prefer that protitution was legalalized, taxed and regulated...that would have been a much better stimulus package.

Posted By: Neil  on Wednesday, March 12, 2008

Well there goes Governor Spitzer's chance for Vice-President.

Posted By: sure  on Wednesday, March 12, 2008

Wow!  Ms. Saunders speaks of a woman who has been scorned and her bitterness is very apparent.  If she truly does believe in fighting for women's rights, she should then allow the fact that women are capable of making their own decision on whether or not "to stand by their man".  What she has written is VERY insulting to all women.  Oh...one other thing,does she really think "poor Hillary" is being "dissed" because she's a woman?  Take another look, Deb, Hillary is very capable of using that excuse herself.

Posted By: Nick  on Wednesday, March 12, 2008

You know the "old Saying", if you throw a bone at the dog, he's going to jump on it.  The best attorney will be a female lawyer who has been down the same road. good luck

Posted By: Sue  on Wednesday, March 12, 2008

And why all the fuss about allowing committed gay couples the right to marry...because...oh yes, because marriage is a sacred vow between a man and a woman and...any number of his/her hookers.

Posted By: Mari  on Wednesday, March 12, 2008

I don't blame the woman for being up there, I do blame the man for not caring more about her that he asks her to be there.  She is in shock - I had the experience of infidelity and felt like I was on quicksand for weeks after I found out.  However, I did, once the ground solidified, walk into a divorce lawyer's office to make a clean break.  That is not the answer for everyone, but I knew that I was not one to forgive and forget, so it was for the best.  What really bothers me is Spitzer's daughters - I bet those hookers weren't much older than his girls.  I was really traumatized as a teenage girl by my father's ogling at pornographic magazines with nudes of girls that were just about my age.  It is eternally creepy and makes you never trust men or believe they can love a woman their own age.  Those girls are going to need serious counseling.

Posted By: Laura  on Wednesday, March 12, 2008

Dear Deb,



Re Mrs. Spitzer, I hope for her sake and that of her daughters, that she quickly looses the moniker "Mrs. Spitzer" and that the divorce court ruling gives her the NY apartment, plenty of alimony and wipes the smug expression from the face of that looser of an ego-tripping "husband" who apparently would rather pay for pseudo love than retain the real love of a family. 80,000 spent on hookers? The people of NY state ought to be outraged at the immorality of both the cheating and that sum, considering the economic struggles we all face.  I hope his next salary is pennies for making license plates at Club Fed.



She may have stood on that podium to keep her own dignity as first lady of the state of NY, but now that the charade  is over, I hope that she reams that looser in divorce court.

Posted By: Ann  on Wednesday, March 12, 2008

I'm hoping that Saturday Night live does a skit featuring the re-enactment of the Govenor's apology speech with his wife standing next to him.   Only this time, have the wife haul off and sock him in the kisser during his speech!!!!   Isn't that really what all of us wanted to see Mrs. Spitzer do?!?!?   SNL....are you listening??  Too bad Hillary didn't smack Bill.....she would have earned my vote.  I lost all respect for the woman after she stood by him, and allowed his adultery to embarrass herself and their daughter.  And NOW she wants to bring Bill back into the White House.  Sheesh!  She has no respect for herself.

Posted By: Contrarian  on Thursday, March 13, 2008

Last sentence of first paragraph...'that he had strayed from his own standards without wife Silda at this side...' actually means that she was, in fact, not there, contrary to your point.  Those pesky prepositional phrases.



As for compensation for work in a corporate law firm,  I doubt that the escorts work a 70-90 hour work week, and most of their lives are sad, indeed.  And feminism was never intended to unbind women from their children.  This whole scenario is a tragedy for all the women and girls involved, and I suggest pity should be taken on all.

Posted By: Marc Milton-Talbot  on Thursday, March 13, 2008

Boy,he's blown it big time.What a waste of talent.I bet all those Wall St crooks are laughing all the way to the bank now.They didn't even have to set him up for this,or did they?

Posted By: Sandy H.  on Thursday, March 13, 2008

As ugly and nasty as he is, it is no wonder that the man must resort to prostitutes! Mrs. Spitzer is doubtless a saint for having put up with him up until now and she deserves to get everything he has and ever will have (alimony and child support) for the public humiliation and the private breach of promise, as well as the possibility of exposing her and the children to any number of nasty diseases. Of course, this is not enough to remove him from office, but, if he was misappropriating taxpayer funds for private follies, he may be out of a job, too, and may find himself in a new home, in a fine New York penitentiary.

Posted By: Puneet  on Thursday, March 13, 2008

No woman (or man) can accept being cheated on - unless they are themselves of the same mentality.  I am sure Mrs. Spizer has been very embarrased.  The public appology seems to be a sort of confession helping the man say - "I Apologised Publically - now let me remain your man". Men can and do stray - but no matter the distance it is a matter of great shame for the wife to withstand - and it does break something inside you.

Posted By: Becky  on Thursday, March 13, 2008

What makes anyone think Mrs. Spitzer is of the character to air her laundry in public?  It takes great courage and training to hold your fire until you see the whites of his eyes.  She has kept their private lives behind closed doors.  Why should she alter her practice?



Should she decide termination of their relationship should result, that termination will likely take years to complete, as it generally does when so much money is involved.



Personally, I would have required a flight bag to stand next to a cheating husband in public after his affairs have been exposed, that or a court order. But, to each their own, especially in handling such a humiliating situation.



As far as public characters are concerned in this type of exposure, and their lack of terminating their relationships, remaining together has to serve them both well.  In the Clintons' case, I'm sure that was not the first time she'd become aware of Bill's infidelity.  Hillary's personality type is that which goes with what best serves her.  Both Clintons are masters of deceit.

Posted By: Don Webb  on Thursday, March 13, 2008

Question? Would Hillary Clinton be running for President of the United Sates today if she had not "stood by her man" ?