Posted By: John Handforth  on Tuesday, August 19, 2008

A pro-life democrat?  Isn't that an oxymoron?

Logically, I can see the need for legalized abortion in certain circumstances, such as rape, incest and survival of the mother.

Morally, I couldn't do it, when my wife and I faced a problem.  When my wife had our second child, giving us two girls, she was told NOT to get pregnant again.  Well, she waited five years and decided to roll the dice for a son.

It was a horrible pregnancy, and she had used up most of our medical coverage for maternity by the end of her fourth month.  We talked about abortion and made the trip to New York, where it was legal.  The doctor sat us down and discussed many things with us, especially how we would feel about losing a child.  He then sent us outside to think about it before making a decision.

We went outside, sat on the steps, had a cigarette and some enlightening conversation.  I'd been thinking abortion because I was worried about her.  She'd been thinking about it because she was concerned about me having to raise two girls alone.  When we realized that we just couldn't do it, we got up and went home.

She was hospitalized four times to keep her body from aborting that baby.  She did live, but she went back to New York to be one of the first 300 women in the Country to be sterilized by laser surgery.  We had another girl who has given me five grandchildren.  My wife only got to see one of them, because she was killed by a drunk driver, but that's another story.

The choice should be there, but not just for convenience, like wanting the other gender, or because you forgot to take the pill that week.  Birth control has been around for more than forty years.  Use it!

Posted By: Holly  on Wednesday, August 20, 2008

John, I gotta ask:  What about the women who contraception, but it fails?  What about all the women and girls afflicted by "abstinence only" sex education?



What about all the other women who find themselves pregnant and, for whatever reason, do not wish to carry the child to term?



Are you really willing to use the nation's most precious resource, its children, as punishment for what you see as immoral behavior?  Children should be borne as a gift, never a burden, and never, ever a punishment.





Abortion is a very personal decision, as you found out firsthand, and never one taken lightly.  I respect that you and your wife chose not to terminate her pregnancy, but please don't close off that avenue to others.  There are some in this country who would take away the right of women to control what happens with their bodies, and requiring "just cause" is a very, very slippery slope.

Posted By: John Handforth  on Wednesday, August 20, 2008

Holly.

"Abstinence only" is not a viable option.  We are human, after all.  I remember my mother complaining about what her doctor said when she wanted a way not to get pregnant.  The doctor told her to use an aspirin, AND HOLD IT TIGHTLY BETWEEN HER KNEES.  That was in the 1950's, a few years before the pill.

Yes, I agree that contraception isn't foolproof.  Pinholes happen to condoms and their female counterparts.  Spermacides have to be used correctly and pulling out early is seldom an option.

The biggest sex organ, though, is above your neck.  Desire for that certain person originates there.  Some other thoughts should become attached there, too.  You can't just say, afterwards, "I don't want to be pregnant now.  It's just too inconvenient."  You should've said, "I don't want to GET pregnant now because I'm not ready for it."  Preventing conception is far better than killing a child.

I am NOT making any moral judgements about having sex.  I pollinated a few different flowers when I was young, too.  As far as I know, none of the pollination went to seed.  I wasn't always careful, but I was lucky.

Contraceptive failure does happen, but in less than 1% of the cases.

People are killing babies because they don't want another girl, or because being pregnant would ruin their summer vacation.  Those are not valid reasons to kill a baby.

I can't tell you to have it and put it up for adoption, because not all babies do get adopted.  I wish that they could be, but many people cannot afford to go through all the hoops at the adoption agencies. The adoption agencies figure that you can't afford to raise the child, if you can't pay their fees.

I won't say, "Don't have sex."  I'll just say, "Be careful out there."

Posted By: Cowgirl Up! Texas  on Thursday, August 21, 2008

John - I am sorry for your loss (empty sounding words, but filled with compassion of a kindred soul)

I can speak on this subject from a number of facets.  

First - in 1985 at just 18, I experienced "date rape" - my first sexual encounter ever.  I conceived.  In what was a difficult 5 weeks (not the worst, I'll get there) I experienced the realization that my mental health was in jeopardy if forced (Catholic at a Jesuit College) to carry the result of a crime for 9 months inside my body.  A lot of urging to abort from those around me.  I made the emotionally charged decision to end the pregnancy - it was 5 weeks after the event; extremely early in the term, and still a heartwrenching choice that I still wrestle every Fall.

Fast forward to 1995. (I often think God keeps putting us to certain challenges until we "do it right")  A new Navy bride, husband over seas, I found myself pregnant at 28 and overjoyed.  3 months into term; a horrific accident left me widowed and pregnant.  Many well-meaning (I have to give this benefit to them) friends and aquaintances urged me to abort - their thinking - finding a new husband with an orphan would be hard at best.  

I jettisoned these people from my life; moved to Texas and my son is soon 13 - aspiring musician, student, large animal vet.  He got me through my grief.  He was God's gift (an angel if you will) to let me see future happiness waiting for me.  

Today - my husband is an emotional giant of a man whose whole family loves my son as their own blood.  We have another baby boy - and my life and decision in 1995 is confirmed.

There are compelling, personal, emotional reasons that abortion should be available for some to choose.  I think it needs to be an option in some cases - rape, incest, certainty of death to the mother...

Knowing what I know now, I would change my "choice" in 1985 and would have given that child to another family who had the capacity to love a baby that was too large an embodiment of grief, horror and fear for its mother.  

I had a choice.  Today, I feel I chose poorly.

Posted By: Good Life  on Friday, August 22, 2008

John Handforth--The pill and other forms of birth control say 99.9%, but if you read the research of "real life" users the average woman using birth control will have 3 pregnancies.  

As I said in another post, No one knows where they stand on abortion until you have a doctor look you in the eye and say "This baby could be a real mess".  

I think that Cowgirl did a great job in explaining feelings.  I don't know of one person that has an abortion that does it lightly.

If someone wants to stop abortion the best way would be to give the mother hope.  Hope that her child will have food, clothing, shelter, medicine, education for the next 18 years.  Unfortunately, too many that want to outlaw abortion would vote against anything to help the child 5 minutes after it's born.

Posted By: John Handforth  on Friday, August 22, 2008

Cowgirl --- Thank you.

Good Life --- Thank you, too.

When the pill first came out, it was only for married couples.  That was due to many churches and religions complaining that the pill was against nature and the way that God meant things to be.

Later on, they allowed single women to get the pill if their doctor would prescribe it to regulate their menstrual cycle.

My, how things have changed.  One of my daughters got a prescription through her school without our knowledge.

The pill does work IF IT IS TAKEN PROPERLY ON A REGULAR BASIS.  When my wife decided to have our last child, it took 90 days after she stopped taking the pill for us to hit paydirt.  I can see one failure occurring for any number of reasons, but three times?  Someone wasn't paying attention.

Abortion is a personal issue as everyone agrees.  Having a baby and giving it up for adoption sounds good, but adoptions don't always happen.  An unwanted child could have a horrible life, especially if they are handicapped in some way.  Knowing that the baby might suffer a truly terrible life (there are so many tests available now) that it might be the proper thing to do.

I started out by saying that there were valid reasons for abortion such as rape, incest and when the mother's life is endangered.  I still believe that, even if my wife and I decided to take that risk.

I just don't believe that a woman not wanting to be fat in the summer is not a good reason to kill a baby.  So many others can't conceive and can't afford to adopt.

Whatever your personal decision, may God bless you for thinking first.

Posted By: Pixie  on Saturday, August 23, 2008

Right to lifers and your God, and your morals. The sheer arrogance of thinking that because you think it's so, you are in the right.



Except that is wrong. Just because you, your concept of God, and your religious beliefs say something doesn't at all mean that you are correct. Or that you can impose your morals and religious beliefs on anyone else.



And John, did you not ever hear of a vasectomy? Then you and your wife would not have placed her in the physical crisis that she was in.

Posted By: John Handforth  on Monday, August 25, 2008

Pixie,

It was 1970, not 2008.  Vasectomies were not available to a man under thirty, unless he was the carrier of a genetic disease.  Besides, the technology at the time was very crude.

My wife did not want me to get sterilized for a reason that I did not mention.  Our oldest daughter was actually from a short teenage marriage that didn't work.  I only had one biological child at the time.  She knew that turning me into a young sports model wasn't fair to me, or to anyone else, if my wife died early.

My wife did die early, but not for the reason that she was concerned about.  My wife turned out to be the only healthy one.  Her mother died of cancer and her three siblings all contracted cancer.  Her siblings are alive, but all are receiving treatment.  Two are in remission.

I did eventually remarry, but we are too old to conceive children.  We have 15 grandchildren between us and that is more than enough.

As I said when I started this string, I can logically believe in abortion, but not for trivial reasons.  Rape, incest, life threatening medical danger to the mother, or even getting pregnant by the wrong guy, but not just because you will lose your figure.  Get a D&C as soon as you find out that you're pregnant.  Don't wait until you can see their gender.

As you mature (or at least get older) you will get more concern for life.